16 June 2008

The past 21 days mark a huge rollercoaster ride of emotions for me.

The trip to Hong Kong was equally rewarding and enjoyable. But I was easily tired and spent quite a lot of quality time sleeping during the holidays although which was unusual of me during holidays.

So, upon return and few days after that, I decided to do a test as I hardly missed my period even under stress at work. And true enough, I was pregnant !

I was definitely elated as it took me a lot of courage to try to get pregnant this time. An accidental pregnancy 10 years ago that led to etopic pregancy was terrified enough to put the thought off for a good 10 years. I was then very young and it came so suddenly. Marriage and parenthood for Alvin and myself was too much for us we decided to opt for abortion.

Unfortunately, the check up turned out that the foetus was actually in the fallopian tube and it will endanger my life if it keeps growing. So, a surgery (much complicated than abortion) was scheduled immediately to remove the foetus. Cuts were made in my tummy to remove it and I was told later on a follow-up check up that the foetus had actually died in the fallopian tube.

At that moment of time, I thought the etopic pregnancy was a blessing in disguise as it did made me less guilty that I did not take away a life intentionally although I have this thought at the beginning. The fear of getting pregnant and the repeat of the whole episode of etopic pregnancy is too terrifying for both of us.

10 years on and now that I think I am ready for motherhood did brought joy and happiness when I found I was pregnant. The first check up with a gynae assured this pregnancy was in the correct position and I can see the foetus in the womb ! How amazing is that ! And this is at Week 4.

A week after that, I discovered brown spotting and was asked to bed rest by the gynae. A precaution visit to the gynae and an ultrasound scan showed the foetus was growing slower than usual and heartbeat of the foetus cannot be detected even though it can always does at Week 5. The gynae scheduled for another review 1 week later. If there is still no heartbeat by Week 6, it is evident the foetus is not healthy and I cannot keep it anymore.

I was totally saddened and dazed. I took half a day off from office as I was very confused. It did disrupt the office at that moment of time as we are downed to 3 staffs (including myself) only. Luckily, help came at the last minute which I am truly gratified of. My request for off really came at the wrong time and I felt bad about it.

I went 4-horse road before going home, hoping Guanyin niang niang can blessed my baby. My mind wondered the whole day with negative and positive thoughts. I returned to office the next day, much composed as I cannot let my private matter affect my work and the office.

And finally, the visit to the gynae came and I braved myself for any outcome. I knew what is happening when I saw the foetus during the altrasound scan. It hardly grew during the week and the gynae further confirmed there is still not heartbeat. She went on th further explained the progress I should be experiencing during the first 8 weeks of pregnancy and I am not progressing as normally. It was confirmed the foetus was not healthy and it may just stop growing. In this circumstances, it has to be 'washed' off and this is termed as miscarriage.

My tears flowed like the tap when I heard the word 'miscarriage'. I can literally felt my heart wringed at that very second. Th gynae went on to explain there is no scientific research evident to show what contirbuted to such causes and miscarriages are common among modern women nowadays. The statistic shows as high as 20% of annual pregnancies are miscarriages.

A surgery was scheduled for 4 days later as I needed some time to compose myself and accept this reality as well as to arrange for my work to be followed up since I will be given a week's hospitalisation leave after that.

It's difficult to break such a news to my boss and colleagues and I tried very hard to control my tears when I do so. They were so happy for me when they knew of my pregnancy. My boss was so kind to ask me to go home to rest even though we had a very important event that evening. But I turned it down because I was be even more depressed if I am left alone and I would rather keep my mind occupied with work than to be given time to let my emotions ran wild again.

Everyone came to terms including my parents and parents-in-law. I accepted the fact that I am not fated to be a mum this time. I ate well over the weekend to prepare myself for the surgery. I was immediately given a lot of tips to look after my health and womb after the surgery. I can open a shop to sell DOM and essence of chicken now.

16 June - I reported to Thomson Medical at 6am as the operations is scheduled at 8am. 2 hours need for registration, brief medical history declaration, get changed, rest on bed and waited to be wheeled into the operation theatre.

I was wheeled away to the operation theatre at 7.30am. All the previous memories of the etopic pregnancy flowed back into my mind as I stared into the rows of lights in the ceiling as I was whelled along the corridor. I was scared , but not as scared as previous. Nurses were cheerful, anaethesia doctor was talking to me all the time to keep me occupied while she poked needles into my hands.

Finally, the gynae arrived and she spoke briefly to me before the surgery began. I was put on the oxygen mask and I managed to caught a glimpse of the clock. It's 8.15am. And before I can really sleep, someone worked me up and time checked, 8.35am.

It's over. I am wheeled back to the ward to rest for 2 hours before I could get home.

I would say this operation is much easier on me and my body this time as compared to the previous. As you can see, I can now sit in front of my computer to put in this entry.

I had come to terms with it and decided to move forward. Nothing is more important to nurse my health back to normal or better.

I will continue to keep my promise to visit 4-horse road once a month although Guanyin niang niang did not bless me this time. She could be too busy blessing others who are more faithful than me. I decided to be a better follower of her now. And I accepted this could be a karma to me, for I have the most initial thought of killing the baby 10 years ago.

Nevertheless, life goes on.

It will definitely be a better tomorrow.

New Update of Javier Teo

Fist time being tied up altogether in a supermarket's trolley fitted with an infant chair. This was taken in Cold Storage Jelita..... where else in Singapore can you find a supermarket fitted with such a feature beside 'ang moh' majority residential areas.


He was left at a corner outside Charles & Keith to self entertained in his pram while we were crazy looking and trying shoes . hee hee.....


He is now into his 6th months and he can flip and 'swim' around on the bed or everywhere on a surface.


One evening, for no reason, he decided to abandon his 'pek' and wriggle to rest on my breast.... nobody knows why he did this that evening.... me not so big, shouldn't be so comfy to rest mah.... maybe next time let him try Lao Niang's one....guarantee it must be the BEST !

My New Flat Update

The lightings are all up and all the carpentry works are almost done too. This is the living room.


Here's my favourite corner, my 'study' area overlooking to the TV in the front.

This is our bedroom with a shelf for TV again.... hee hee...... and the bed frame and bedside drawers.

My Kitchen ! I simply love it ! although Alvin says it is very ugly.... hmpf...

Macau MGM Grand

The 2nd part of this trip is to go to Macau.....yes, Macau AGAIN !!!!

Alvin's friend managed to get a FOC room in MGM Grand and invited both of us to stay with them for a night. It was a 2-bedroom suite. It never come across to me that the suite is so DAMMED luxurious ! And this is definitely my best and luxurious hotel stay in my whole 31 years of life.

MGM Grand is sectioned into 3 colours, Bronze, Silver and Gold. Needless to say, Gold is the most expensive catergory. We stayed in the Silver category on the 24th floor.

Trust me, the whole area of the 2-bedroom suite is larger than the size of my 5-roon flat.

This is the living room with posh sofa, many many cushions and 2 lazy armchairs near the full length mirror, plus I think is a 52' plasma TV.

Then, next to the living room is a 6-seater dining area. A table top craved from marble and victorian-style dining chairs to accomplement.

Across the room, there is a tiny kitchenette fully equipped, but who goes to Macau and check in a hotel to cook !

The 2 bedrooms are tucked right at the end of each corner of the suite, to ensure privacy. The size of each bedroom + the gigantic bathroom equates 3/4 size of my 5-room flat. This is the bedroom we are going to stay for a night. 2 double beds with 42' plasma TV + full length window with automated curtains.

The bedroom faces the sea and you can see the bridge linking Macau main island to Taipa island.

It's just so relaxing and I just want to cope in the room the whole day !

Then, it has a walk-in mini wardrobe. More than sufficient for a family of 4 to dump their belongings needed for 3 day 2 night kind of stay.

And here's the gigabtic bathroom I am talking about. 2 washing basins, a jacuzzi bath tub, a section for toilet bowl and a section for standing shower. Oh yes, that's a flt screen TV (at least 40') at the vanity area for your viewing pleasure if you like to soak in the bathtub for long.

This is the standing shower with 5 nozzles to spray on different parts of your body and a rain nozzle above your head.

And how they not pamper their guest with the best toiletries. Molton Brown. And this is the first time I uses hotel's toiletries - in all mu life's travel to date.

I WANNA GO BACK MGM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See What I buy in Hong Kong

This trip to Hong Kong and Macau is so much a eat, shop, sleep trip.... I never slept so much for a holiday trip and it was kind of relaxing. No sightseeing at all.

To begin with, it was such an early flight on Jetstar..... and I was beginning not to feel well the night before.... having a sore throat and losing part of my voice on the 1st day of the holiday.... but this never stop me from shopping.... We roammed around Tsim Sha Tsui, visiting some shops and finally I started to part my money in Espirit Outlet.

I got 3 tops there....


Then we decided to pick something for my little nephew and he is the only one in the family with present.... it looks very Alvin in style.... haa haa....

Then, we returned to hotel and nap before making a trip to Fa Yuen Street (Sports Street) because I wanted to buy a pair of walking shoes I saw in SIN and I thought it will be cheaper in HKG but NO.... there is not even a sight of this design there.... How disappointed I am...

Then we went to a local restaurant for steamboat..... so nice and I am terribly fully... By then, I have totally lost my voice......and I think I need to see a doctor the next day.

So, the next day, we met up with Alvin's friend who had a HKG galfren. So they brought us to go eat very nice tim sum and brought me to go see a local clinc doctor that costed me HK$190. But the medicine works because i was able to speak again after 2 dosages ! Yippee.....

After that, they brought us to an aprtment located in Mongkok, somewhere near the Pet Street. Seriously I don't know how to walk there if you ask me how to. It's a residential place converted into a factoru outlet selling Abercombie & Fitch apparels....and so I got for myself 2 tops....


I particular like the orangy red polo t-shirt because it has a very nice picture print at the back of the polo and I really like it very much.


After Abercombie, we decided to return to hotel to nap because it is almost 3pm then. I am getting lazy and I can feel the bed calling me.......probably it is the medicine that putting me into a drowsy state.

The early evening was spent roaming Canton Road as I very much like to visit the largest LV store in Asia, though I have no budget for anything in there.

You dun see any other nationalities except... chinese and chinese and all mainland chinese.... buying like nobody business.... pointing to every bag on display, flashing their cash everywhere - all at the height where the Sichuan massive earthquake just happened 5 days ago at that time.... Hong Kongers are busy raising and donating monies to help their countrymen and the actual countrymen are spending stacks of cash in Hong Kong.....

We proceed to H & M and In almost went crazy there.... Things are reasonably priced and you can get quality apparels there. What's more... you can't get it in Singapore ! I bought the most things there and was very happy with my shopping..... Nothing can get better than this ! & oh yes, H & M allows exchange within 30 days as long as the tags are attached. So if the queue at the fitting room is long, you can buy back and try at your hotel. If don't fits, bring back the next day for exchange.